The Aloha Hash House Harriers

Melody--Alouette

(Unsuspecting female volunteer needed)

Chorus:

Aahlawetta, Shoneton Aahlawetta,

Aahlawetta, Shoneton Aahlaw-way.

Leader: Does she have ze stringy hair?

All: Oui, she has ze stringy hair.

Leader: Stringy hair,

All: Stringy hair,

Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .

Chorus

Leader: Does she have ze furrowed brow?

All: Oui, she has ze furrowed brow,

Leader: Furrowed brow,

All: Furrowed brow,

Leader: Stringy hair,

All: Stringy hair,

Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .

Wooden eye (Yes I would!) . . .

Broken nose . . .

Blow job lips . . .

Two buck teeth . . .

Double chin . . .

Swinging tits . . .

Beer belly . . .

Bulbous butt . . .

Furry thing . . .

Leader: Now isn't she a nice-a girl?

All: Oui, she is a nice-a girl,

Leader: Nice-a girl,

All: Nice-a girl,

Leader: Aahlawette! Aah, aah, aah . . .

Chorus

Melody--Do, Re, Mi

Dough, the stuff, that buys me beer,

Ray, the guy who serves me beer,

Me, the guy, who drinks me beer,

Fa, a long way to the john,

So, I'll have another beer,

La, I'll have another beer,

Tea, no thanks I'll have a beer,

And that brings us back to,

Melody--Refrain from Music Man

By Black Flag

Dumb, dumb, dumb shit,

Dumb shit, dumb shit,

Dumb, dumb, dumb shit,

Melody--as for "Father Abraham"

Composed by Flying Booger in honor of Father Damien, who cared for the lepers of Molokai

Father Damien, had seven toes,

Seven toes had Father Damien,

And he decomposed,

In bits and chunks,

And he always went like this--With a right!

All (shout/actions): And a right! (kick out right leg)

Oops!

Melody--Happy Birthday to You

Happy birthday, fuck you,

Happy birthday, fuck you,

Happy birthday, you asshole,

Happy birthday, fuck you.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

You look like a hasher,

And you smell like one too.

Melody--Flintstones Theme

Hashers, meet the hashers,

They're the biggest drunks in history,

From old Honolulu (insert your town here),

They're the leaders in debauchery.

Half minds, trailing shiggy through the years,

Watch them as they down a lot of beers,

Down down, down down down down,

Down down down down down down down down down,

Down down, down down down down,

Melody--Itself

Here's to ______,

He's true blue, (he's a blue)

He's a Hasher,

Through and through,

He's a pisspot, (he's an asshole)

So they say,

Tried to go to heaven, (he'll never get to heaven)

But he went the other way, (in a long, long way)

So drink it down, down, down . . .

Here's to ______,

She's a damn fine gal,

Here's to ______,

She's a damn fine gal,

So drink, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug,

Here's to ______,

She's a horse's ass.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, etc . . .

Birthday version

by Flying Booger

Here's to (name), she's true blue,

It's her birthday, boo hoo hoo,

She is (age) if she's a day,

Wishes she were younger,

But there's no way!

Melody--Ach, Du Lieber Augustin

Here's to brother (sister) hasher,

Bother hasher, brother hasher,

Here's to brother hasher,

May he chug-a-lug.

He's happy, he's jolly,

He's fucked up by golly,

Here's to brother hasher,

May he chug-a-lug.

So drink motherfucker,

Drink motherfucker,

Drink motherfucker,

Drink motherfucker,

Here's to brother hasher,

Melody--Amen -- Sing with reverence

Hymn,

hymn,

Melody--I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover

I'm looking over,

My dead dog Rover,

That I over ran with the mower.

One leg is missing,

The other is gone,

The third leg is shredded,

All over the lawn.

You see there's no use explaining,

The one remaining,

It's spinning on the carport floor (the carport floor),

I'm looking over,

My dead dog Rover,

That I over ran, that I over ran,

Melody--Do, Re, Mi

Fuck a duck,

A female duck,

Screw a baby kangaroo,

Finger bang an orangutan,

Let an elephant eat you,

FEEL the penis of an eel,

WHACK the asshole of a yak,

MASTURBATE with a gnu,

That will bring us back to

Melody--Dixie

I put my finger in the woodpecker's hole,

And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,

Take it out, take it out, take it out,

REMOVE IT!"

I removed my finger from the woodpecker's hole,

And the woodpecker said, "God bless my soul,

Put it back, put it back, put it back,

REPLACE IT!"

other verses:

Replaced/turn it round/REVOLVE IT!

Revolved/turn it back/REVERSE IT!

Reversed/in and out/RECIPROCATE IT!

Reciprocated/slow it down/RETARD IT!

Retarded/once again/REPEAT IT!

Repeated/let it go/RELEASE IT!

Released/pull it out/RETRACT IT!

Melody--Camptown Races

(take turns leading verses - raise your drinking vessel over your head when you have a verse)

There is a bear in the deep dark woods,

Yogi, Yogi,

There is a bear in the deep dark woods,

Yogi, Yogi Bear.

Chorus (repeat previous verse):

Yogi, Yogi Bear, Yogi, Yogi Bear,

There is a bear in the deep dark woods,

Yogi, Yogi Bear.

Yogi has a little friend, Boo-Boo, Boo-Boo

Boo-Boo has a girlfriend, Cyndi, Cyndi

Yogi has a girlfriend, Suzi, Suzi

Cyndi has a shaven snatch, Grizzly, Grizzly

Cyndi wears crotchless undies, Teddy, Teddy

Cyndi likes it on the ice, Polar, Polar

Cyndi gets what she deserves, Pregnant, Pregnant

Suzi likes it up the rear, Dirty, Dirty

Suzi's boyfriend has no teeth, Gummi, Gummi

Suzi's snatch it smells like cheese, Camel, Camel

Suzi she has great big tits, More than, More than (I can bear)

Suzi gets four bits an hour, Jingle, Jingle

Cyndi's tampon has no string, Cotton, Cotton

Yogi didn't use a condom, Daddy, Daddy

Boo-Boo likes it upside down, Koala, Koala

Yogi didn't wipe his butt, Brown, Brown

Yogi uses Afro-Sheen, Black, Black

Yogi got a case of crabs, Itchy, Itchy

Yogi lights Kuwaiti farts, Saddam, Saddam

Boo-Boo likes to stroke his tool, Wanker, Wanker

Yogi also likes young boys, Poofter, Poofter

Melody--Itself

I don't want to join the army,

I don't want to go to war,

I'd rather hang around Picadilly Underground,

Living off the earnings of a high born lady.

I don't want a bullet up me arsehole,

Don't want me buttocks shot away,

I want to stay in England,

Jolly, jolly England,

And fornicate me bloomin' life away, gor blimey .

Monday I touched her on the ankle,

Tuesday I touched her on the knee,

On Wednesday, I confess, I lifted up her dress,

Thursday I saw you-know-what,

Friday I put me hand upon it,

Saturday she gave me balls a tweak (Tweak! Tweak!)

And Sunday after supper, I put the old boy up 'er,

And now she earns me forty bob a week, gor blimey.

Chorus: Call out the Regimental Army,

Call out the Navy and Marines,

Call out me mother,

Me sister and me brother,

But for God's sake,

Don't call me, gor blimey.

I don't want to join the Navy,

I don't want to go to sea,

I just want to go down to old Soho,

Tickling all the girlies in the umtiddly-um-pum,

I don't want a bayonet up me arsehole,

I don't want me knackers shot away,

I'd rather live in England,

Merry, merry England,

Melody--Funiculi, Funicula

Last night I stayed up late and masturbated,

It felt so good, I knew it would.

Last night I stayed up late to masturbate,

It felt so nice, I did it twice.

You should have seen me on the short strokes,

It felt so grand, I used my hand,

And you should have seen me on the long strokes,

It felt so neat, I used my feet.

Shake it, break it, beat it on the floor,

Smash it, bash it, thrust it through the door,

Some people seem to think that fornication's grand,

Melody--Itself

Oh, the liquor was spilled on the barroom floor,

And the bar was closed for the night,

When out from his hole crept a little brown mouse,

And he sat in the pale moonlight.

Oh, he lapped up the liquor on the barroom floor,

And back on his haunches he sat,

And all night long you could hear him roar,

BRING ON THE GODDAMNED CAT!

(optional verse)

Oh, the cat came out and they had a little spat,

And the cat ate up on the mouse,

Chomp, Chomp,

And the moral of the story is,

Melody--Baby Face

Pubic hairs!

You've got the cutest little pubic hairs,

There's no one else on earth who can compare,

Pubic hairs!

Clitoris or vagina, nothing could be finer than those pubic hairs,

I'm in heaven when I'm in your underwear,

I didn't need a shove, to take a mouthful of,

Melody--Itself

Leader:

Father Abraham had seven sons,

Seven sons had Father Abraham,

And he never smiled,

And he never cried,

All he did was go like this--With a right! (extend right arm)

All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm)

Leader: Father Abraham had seven sons,

Seven sons had Father Abraham,

And he never smiled,

And he never cried,

All he did was go like this--With a right! (extend right arm)

All (shout/actions): With a right! (extend right arm)

Leader: And a left! (extend left arm)

All (shout/actions): And a left! (extend left arm)

With a right! (extend right leg)

With a left! (extend left leg)

And a HEEEE! (hump pelvis)

Melody--Side by Side

Put your left leg over my shoulder,

Put your right leg over my shoulder,

(wag tongue)

La la la la la, la la la la, la la la.

Put your left tit over my shoulder,

Put your right tit over my shoulder,

(shake head)

Melody--Itself

(take turns leading verses - raise your drinking vessel over your head when you have a verse)

Leader:

I am the music man and I come from down your way,

and I can play . . .

Pack: What can you play?

Leader: I can play the viola.

Chorus (singing & motions):

Oh, the vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la, vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.

Leader: I am the music man and I come from down your way, and I can play . . .

Pack: What can you play?

Leader: I can play the piano.

Second Chorus (repeat all instruments):

Oh, the pia-pia-pia-no, pia-no, pia-no, pia-pia-pia-no, pia-pia-no,

Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la, vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.

Other instruments:

Melody--Singing in the Rain

Chorus: Ah-zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah-dah,

Zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah, zuppa-dah-dah.

We're singing in the rain,

Just singing in the rain,

What a glorious feeling,

We're hap! hap! happy again . . .

Verse/action: Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!

Arms out!

(repeat chorus adding new line and action each time)

Hands together!

Thumbs up!

Elbows bent!

Shoulders back!

Chest out!

Stomach in!

Ass out!

Knees together!

Heels together!

Melody--The Ash Grove

(take turns leading verses - raise your drinking vessel over your head when you have a verse)

The Mayor of Bayswater,

He has a lovely daughter,

And the hairs on her dickie-di-doe,

Hang down to her knees.

Chorus:

Leader: And the hairs,

Pack: And the hairs,

Leader: And the hairs,

Pack: And the hairs,

Leader: And the hairs,

Pack: On her dicky-di-doe,

Hang down to her knees.

One black one, one white one,

And one with a bit of shite on,

And the hairs on her dicky-di-doe,

Hang down to her knees.

I've smelt it, I've felt it,

It's just like a bit of velvet.

I she were my daughter,

I'd have her cut them shorter.

I've seen it, I've seen it,

I've lain right in between it.

I stroked 'em and poked 'em,

I rolled 'em and smoked 'em.

You'd need a coal miner,

To find her vagina.

She lives on the mountain,

and pees like a bloody fountain.

She stayed on a cattle ranch,

And came like a bloody avalanche.

She says she is not a whore,

But she bangs like a shithouse door.

She lives on malted milkshake,

And roots like a bloody rattlesnake.

She married an Italian,

With balls like a fucking stallion.

She divorced the Italian,

And married the stallion.

She married a Spaniard,

With a prick like a bloody lanyard.

She divorced the Spaniard,

And ran off with the bloody lanyard.

The split of her beaver,

Looks just like June Cleaver's.

She slept with a demon,

Who drowned her with semen.

Her cat's name is Boris,

And it plays with her clitoris.

I've licked it and kissed it,

It tastes like a chocolate biscuit.

You can drive a Morris Minor,

Right up her vagina.

It was always hit-or-miss,

Whether I could find her clitoris.

She went to Arabia,

And got camel drool on her labia.

She stayed in Seattle,

And went down on cattle.

The light is so glitorous,

When it shines off her clitoris.

She went with a Hash House Harrier,

Who fucked her but wouldn't marry her.

She slept with a Hash House Harriette,

Who played melodies upon her clit.

She wooed the Grand Master,

But he couldn't satisfy her.

Grand Mattress gave her a go,

She used an electric dildo.

They were so soft and spongy,

Melody--theme from Bonanza

Hit the spot, make me hot

I will scream out loud

Suck my toes, insert your hose

Make my juices flow

When I am done and I have cum

Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Her left tit hangs down to her belly,

Her right tit hangs down to her knee.

If her left tit did equal her right tit,

She'd get lots of weenie from me.

Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

His one skin hangs down to his two skin,

His two skin hangs down to his three,

His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,

His foreskin hangs down to his knee.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

(optional verses)

Roll back, roll back,

Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.

Roll back, roll back,

Please roll back his foreskin for him.

His body lies over the ocean,

His body lies over the sea,

His father lies over his mother,

Melody--This Old Man

(harriers' verses by Flying Booger, in the interest of sexual equality

Substitute your favorite hash for Aloha...)

Harriettes' verses:

Aloha men, they play one,

They think they have all the fun.

Chorus: With a knick knack, paddy whack, give themselves a bone,

Aloha men have sex alone.

Aloha men, they play two,

They can't get it up to screw.

Aloha men, they play three,

They think they get sex for free.

Aloha men, they play four,

They can't get it up to score.

Aloha men, they play five,

They don't have enough sex drive.

Aloha men, they play six,

Little men with little dicks.

Aloha men, they play seven,

Masturbation is their heaven.

Aloha men, they play eight,

They can't get their dicks in straight.

Aloha men, they play nine,

They take theirs up from behind.

Aloha men, they play ten,

Little boys who think they're men.

Harriers' verses:

Aloha women, they play one,

They don't know how to get it on.

Chorus:

With a knick knack, paddy whack, give themselves a tickle,

Aloha women use a pickle.

Aloha women, they play two,

They say, "Not now, I've got the flu."

Aloha women, they play three,

They say, "Not now, I've got to pee."

Aloha women, they play four,

They say, "Not now, who's at the door?"

Aloha women, they play five,

They'll cut your balls off with a knife.

Aloha women, they play six,

They're never satisfied with our pricks.

Aloha women, they play seven,

Life without sex is their idea of heaven.

Aloha women, they play eight,

They always seem to have a headache.

Aloha women, they play nine,

Their sex lives are in decline.

Aloha women, they play ten,

Melody--Itself

Chorus:

 I want a gang bang

I want a gang bang

I want a gang bang

if I could,

I want a gang bang

I want a gang bang

Because a gang bang feels so good

When I was younger and in my prime,

I used to gang bang all the time.

Now I'm older and getting gray,

I only gang bang once a day.

(Take turns leading verses)

Leader: Knock, knock.

Pack: Who's there?

Leader: Ida.

Pack: Ida who?

Leader: Ida want another gang bang if I could,

Because a gang bang feels so good, etc.

Other verses:

Mister Bush/Mister Bush and came on her stomach

Ben/Ben dover and have another

Turner/Turner over and have another

Sam and Janet/Sam and Janet evening I'd have a

Bob/Bob down and let's have another

Orange/Orange you glad I didn't say Bob down and let's have another

Ranger/A ranger her for best entry at the

Oliver/Oliver clothes were off at the

Peter Meter/My peter'll meet her at the

Dolly Parton/Dolly's partin' her thighs at the

Tijuana/Tijuana bring your mama to the

Kissinger/Kissinger's great but fuckin' her's better at the

Betty/Betty'll have a sore dick at the

Europa/Europa to the bed post for the

Extinct/Extinct like fish at the

Eileen/Eileen her over the sofa at the

Sharon/Sharon share alike at the

Hedda/Hedda lotta sex at the

Mason Dixon/Mason's Dixon's a girl at the

Ima/Ima glad we had this

Eisenhower/Eisenhower late for the

Witchy/Witchy one your gonna fuck at the

Kenya/Kenya gimme directions to the

M.R./M.R. some nice-a tits at the

Charlie Pride/Charlie pried her legs apart at the

Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

(Take turns leading verses - raise your drinking vessel over your head when you have a verse)

My father makes book on the corner,

My mother makes illicit gin,

My sister sells kisses to sailors,

My God how the money rolls in.

Chorus: Rolls in, rolls in,

My God how the money rolls in, rolls in,

Rolls in, rolls in,

My God how the money rolls in.

My mother's a bawdy house keeper,

Each night when the evening grows dim,

She hangs out a little red lantern,

My God how the money rolls in.

My cousin's a Harley Street surgeon,

With instruments long, sharp, and thin,

He only does one operation,

My God how the money rolls in.

Uncle Joe is a registered plumber,

His business in holes and in tin,

He'll plug up your hole for a tenner,

My God how the money rolls in.

My brother's a slum missionary,

He saves fallen women from sin,

He'll save you a blonde for a dollar,

My God how the money rolls in.

My Grandad sells cheap prophylactics,

He punctures the teats with a pin,

For Grandma gets rich off abortions,

My God how the money rolls in.

My sister's a barmaid in Sydney,

For a shilling she'll strip to the skin,

She's stripping from morning till midnight,

My God how the money rolls in.

My aunt keeps a girl's seminary,

Teaching young girls to begin,

She doesn't say where they will finish,

My God how the money rolls in.

I've shares in the very best companies,

In tramways, tobacco, and tin,

And brothels in Rio de Janeiro,

My God how the money rolls in.

My brother Jim whittles out candles,

From wax that is exceptionally soft,

He says it will come in real handy,

Melody--Rawhide

Rollin', rollin', rollin,

My dick is gettin' swollen,

I got this doggie rollin', Rawhide.

My knob is hard as leather,

But I'll get it in whatever,

I wish I could get the tip inside,

I stab but I keep missin',

This wasn't made for pissin',

I'm waiting for this year's first ride.

Chorus: Pull 'em down, get 'em off,

Get 'em off, pull 'em down,

Pull 'em down, Get 'em off, Rawhide.

Stick it in, pull it out,

Pull it out, stick it in,

Stick it in, pull it out, Rawhide.

She's movin', movin', movin',

Stops my manhood groovin',

This doggie won't stop movin', Rawhide.

It's gonna be sore later,

But I've been a masturbator,

All those years that I've just spent inside,

My balls they are aching,

From ages wanking, waiting,

Waiting to get this thing inside.

Rollin', rollin', rollin',

I'm rootin' her assholin',

We're mounted doggy style, Rawhide.

I don't try to understand her,

Just catch and grope and bang her,

Now her twat is gettin' wet and wide,

My foreskin's torn and tattered,

Her pussy's worn and battered,

Melody--Itself

(Take turns leading verses - raise your drinking vessel over your head when you have a verse)

Leader:

I am the music man and I come from down your way, and I can play . . .

Pack: What can you play?

Leader: I can play the viola.

Chorus (singing & motions):

Oh, the vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la, vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.

Leader: I am the music man and I come from down your way, and I can play . . .

Pack: What can you play?

Leader: I can play the piano.

Second Chorus:

Oh, the pia-pia-pia-no, pia-no, pia-no, pia-pia-pia-no, pia-pia-no,

Vio-vio-vio-la, vio-la, vio-la, vio-vio-vio-la, vio-vio-la.

Other instruments:

Melody--Auld Lang Syne

Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,

Piss off, ya wank, piss off,

Piss off, ya wank, piss off, ya wank,

Melody--Itself

Sally in the alley, sifting cinders,

Lifted up her leg and farted like a man,

Wind from her bloomers blew out six winders,

Melody--Frere Jacques

Sing this as a round and in groups

Sex is boring,

Pain is fun,

Gonna cut my fingers off,

One by one . . .

Sex is boring,

Pain is fun,

Pulling out my pubic hairs,

One by one . . .

Sex is boring,

Pain is fun,

Poking out my eyes,

One by one . . .

Sex is boring,

Pain is fun,

Cutting off my gonads,

Melody--Swing Low, Sweet Chariot

1st verse - solomn - no motions - let's catch them by surprise!

2nd verse - with motions

3rd verse - tongues out

4th verse - Tiny Tim (falsetto)

5th verse - silent - motions only

6th verse - double time!

Swing low, sweet chariot,

Coming for to carry me home,

Swing low, sweet chariot,

Coming for to carry me home.

I looked over Jordan and what did I see,

Coming for to carry me home,

A band of angels coming after me,

Coming for to carry me home.

If you get there before I do,

Coming for to carry me home,

Tell all my friends that I'm coming too,

Melody--Itself

There was a little bird,

No bigger than a turd,

A-sittin' on a telephone pole.

He ruffled up his neck,

And shit about a peck,

He puckered up his little asshole.

Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole,

Melody--My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

They ought to be publicly pissed on,

They ought to be publicly shot,

They ought to be tied to a urinal,

And left there to fester and rot,

Melody--You Are My Sunshine

Performed by LAH3 harriettes at AIH '93, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, September 2, 1993

Chorus:

You are my hashit, my loving hashit

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know boys how much we love them

Please don't take my hashit away.

The other day boys, while we were hashing

We saw our GM masturbate

We saw two others auto-hashing

And then the beer truck was late.

No need to hurry, no need to worry

They can do hash crimes every day

But we'll never tell on, these other hashers

They might take our hashit away.

It's always hard, and it's always ready

And if you bite it, it won't scream

It will be there in the morning

And if pressed it will wait while I preen.

You don't have to lubricate it

Buy it presents, or give it head

You can tell it, all your secrets

And no one will hear a word that you said.

It's not too drunk and, it's not too tired

It's not too quick and, it feels no pain

And if your toilet, should overflow girls

Melody--William Tell Overture

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank,wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank wank.

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

Melody--Come Let Us Adore Him

Why are we waiting,

We could be fornicating (masturbating, etc),

Oh, why are we waiting,

Melody--Itself

Why was he born so beautiful?

Why was he born at all?

He's no fuckin' use to anyone,

He's no bloody use at all.

They say he's a joy to his mother,

But he's a pain in the asshole to me,

Melody--1st verse: Itself

2nd verse: My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Why was she born so beautiful?

Why was she born a bitch?

She's no bloody use to anyone,

She's only got one tit.

She ought to be publicly pissed on,

She ought to be publicly shot,

She ought to be tied to a urinal,

And left there to fester and rot.

The purpose of the zicky-zacky chant is to point out breaches in circle etiquette -- members of the circle point elbows at the offender and repeat chant loudly. The offender chugs his/her beverage during the song.

Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,

Hoy! Hoy! Hoy!

Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,

Hoy! Hoy! Hoy!

Zicky-zacky, zicky-zacky,

Hoy! Hoy! Hoy!

(and so on